How to Keep Your Relationship Afloat

Falling in love feels magical and effortless. At the beginning of a relationship, you and your partner are riding high on the warm feelings of love and adoration.

As the relationship goes on, it may not be so easy to maintain. Long-term relationships don’t just happen. They take conscious effort and intentionality.

It is much easier to take care of a boat in order to keep it floating than it is to try to bring a sunken boat back to the surface. In the same way, figuring out how to make a relationship last while it is healthy is much easier than trying to rescue a relationship after it is falling apart. Here are some ways you can tend to your relationship.

Clear Communication

This is probably the single most important element to a healthy relationship. There are two pieces to clear communication, and both must happen in order for your relationship to stay healthy: listening actively and being honest.

Listening actively means so much more than just hearing the words that are being spoken. It means focusing on the intent of what is being said to you. Listen for the tone to what is being said, and ask questions to make sure you are understanding what your partner really means.

It isn’t enough to intently listen to your partner. You have to speak sincerely. Tell them the truth about how you feel, even if it is uncomfortable.

Many of the quirks you find cute early in the relationship can become annoying or frustrating as time goes on. Being honest with your partner about the things that they do that bother you will help them to change behaviors while it is mildly annoying, rather than waiting until something they do makes you irrationally angry when they don’t know why.

Understand How Your Partner Gives and Receives Love

This has been called “love languages”, among other things. Everyone has things they do to express their love, and a different set of behaviors their partner can show makes them feel like they are loved.

It may be that you show love by performing acts of service for your partner, but receive love by physical touch. If your partner shows love by words of affirmation, you might feel like they don’t care about you, when in reality they are doing everything in their power to show they care. It is like you are speaking totally different languages.

By learning how your partner naturally receives love, you can make the effort to fulfill that need. By learning how your partner naturally shows love, you can understand when they are showing their feelings and accept that affection.

Don’t Keep Score

Disagreements are going to occur any time people spend a great deal of time together. When arguments inevitably occur, there are a few things to keep in mind.

Keep the fight about the topic at hand. Bringing up old arguments might make you feel like you are winning a fight, but it is more likely to escalate a minor disagreement into a bigger argument.

When you disagree with each other, find a resolution. That might require revisiting discussions once everyone is calm, but once the discussion is resolved, it should be shelved.  Dredging up old fights is like ripping off emotional scabs. As long as you are doing that, the wound will never really heal.

Wrap Up

To summarize, the most important element to keep a relationship afloat is to communicate. Understanding how your partner shows and receives love will help you to make them feel cared for, and learning how to argue productively and move on will help you keep your relationship moving forward.