6 Ways to Get Your Friends to Pay You Back Without Ruining the Relationship

We all fall into hard financial times at some time or another. If you know someone who might need help, we’d recommend first sending them information or tools they can use to get a better grasp on their financial situation like debt snowball calculator. If they need further support, you may be considering lending them some money to help them make ends meet. How lucky are they to have a loved one like you give them a financial boost while they get back on their feet! 

If you’ve already lent someone money, then you might begin to feel stressed if it seems like they’re not making paying you back a priority. Rather than destroy the relationship, here are six things you can do to get paid back and still remain friends.

1. Give money with explicit terms

First, when you lend money to loved ones, make sure that there’s an explicit understanding of your expectations. Is this a gift or a loan? Don’t assume that since you’re friends or family, they’ll “just know” what borrowing this money means. It might feel uncomfortable, especially if you worry what they’ll think of you, but laying out terms before lending money will go a long way towards ensuring you’re paid back and still remain friendly.

2. Stop avoiding the subject

Too many relationships get ruined over resentment caused by money. If you’re feeling frustrated that your loved one isn’t paying you back as quickly as you’d like or spending your loan frivolously, then it’s likely you’ll begin to harbor bad feelings about the relationship. 

Remember that they’re human and how much you love them. If you notice their social media shows trips to exotic locations or an expensive new toy, that could just be their way of coping during a traumatic time. While you shouldn’t be judgemental about their choices, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t speak up for yourself. If you start to notice discrepancies between how they’re spending their money and the amount of debt they owe you, it’s time to reach out. Come from a place of love and not criticism by simply bringing up their payment obligations without mentioning the purchases you’ve noticed on their social media feeds.

3. Sit down together and make a plan

Instead of just letting things work themselves out, sit down together and establish terms for how you’ll be repaid and when. Once the plan is established, follow through on your end by keeping an eye on missed deadlines or staying up-to-date on their situation. It could be that they’ve missed a payment because their kid ended up needing to go to the doctor or that there was a job loss in their family. Your plan can be flexible to accommodate things like this, but you should still have an expectation for when you can be repaid in full and move on. 

4. Remain understanding, but don’t let them walk over you

Life happens, and the fact that you could help in a time of need makes you a great friend. As a great friend, you can be sympathetic while also staying firm and holding them to their obligations.

Above all, don’t be condescending or act superior because they’re in crisis. Consider that they’re probably as uncomfortable with this whole thing as you are and would love nothing more than to have it go away. However, don’t let that mean you get taken advantage of. If you feel like control is slipping out of your grasp, it’s okay to be direct but fair with your follow-ups. Ask if a specific date for repayment would work for them or if they would prefer to make smaller payments over a longer time frame. 

5. Remember that your financial situation is not the problem

If you’ve lent money to someone, you might feel like asking them for the money back shows poor character or appears greedy, especially if it looks like you don’t “need” the money. Even if you’re in a stable financial situation, you still deserve to have the agreed-upon terms stuck to and get paid back. 

Keep in mind that, even if you’re close, the person you’ve loaned money to might only see one side of things and not have a complete understanding of why you’re waiting for them to pay you back. If there’s a reason you need the money such as for medical bills, mortgage payments, or something else, it’s fine to mention it. If there isn’t a specific reason, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be due what’s owed. Don’t let your financial situation, whatever it is, be used as an excuse against you. 

6. Don’t make everything about the money

Your relationship started before this money and will continue after the money if you both decide, so keep in mind that this is only one minor blip on your timeline. Keep in touch with them during the loan and talk as though it doesn’t exist. Staying friendly and kind will help remove a lot of the uncomfortable undercurrents and keep the friendship a priority that endures no matter what.